Status Update

Hey everyone, this is Xochitl writing on Jesse's blog.

Our son, Isandro Sol, was born on Sunday, July 6 at 12:20 AM. As I write this he just turned one week old! He is beautiful and perfect. There is so much to be happy for when we look at his innocent little face.

Some of you may wonder why we are taking so many pictures of our sick baby. We are grateful to have him. And his life is now, not on hold until he looks cute in a onesie. We must celebrate his growth and his life now or we will not survive this experience.

His birth was rough for us and particularly for me. If anyone tells you that your birth plan may change be prepared for it to possibly be thrown out the window. All I get out of my birth plan is the part about circumcision and vaccines.

I labored for 36 hours before submitting to the doctors and going ahead with a cesarean delivery. I had to wait another 10 hours for the actual surgery. I was terrified for many reasons. In the end we reached a compromise and my sister and Jesse were going to be allowed into the surgery room. I had to receive a spinal block on my own first. I almost lost it going into that room.

It turns out I am one of the very few people who are resistant to spinal blocks. They gave me two spinal blocks and I never got numb past the tops of my knees. I was all the more terrified when they told me I would have to go under general anesthesia and have no family present.

I missed the first 36 hours of my son's life. It was miserable. After all the drugs and the immediate rehab I missed even more than that. By Wednesday, I had only been allowed to hold my son twice. That should be criminal! I was sad and tortured in my room by sounds of other crying babies who were with their mamas, and the sight of that empty crib in my room. Every time my hand rested on my tummy I was reminded of my loss and my desire to touch and comfort my baby.

I fought hard to go through their "goals" for my walking, pain med regimen, etc. It was only because the nurses said I could only see my son again once I could get out of bed and walk to my wheel chair and sit in it with managed pain. What did I get for my efforts? I got discharged from the hospital, without my son in 60 hours. It says 72 hours on the freaking pamphlet! To the hospital's credit I was allowed to stay another 2 nights as a boarder free of charge and while they had the space.

Since leaving the hospital on Friday, I have been able to hold him with skin on skin contact, to give him my breast milk via a stomach tube, and change his diaper a few times. No matter what I have gone through, he has gone through worse in his brief seven days. He has been intubated twice, had spinal tap, been separated from the only person he knew, had several IV's stuck into him, and so much more. I hate all the trauma he has been through.

Yesterday, July 11 was his first good day. At 3 AM the C-PAP was taken off his face and he was allowed to try breathing on his own. Since then he has been successful breathing on his own. We have held him at least twice per day since Friday. Tonight we were allowed to board again at the hospital. So we got to say good night and see him open his eyes for the first time! Tomorrow we go on rounds with his team of doctors to hear what they have to say about his treatment. It may be that he does not need an additional 7 days of antibiotics as we were told yesterday. Basically, this means if he continues to make his feeding and breathing goals we may be able to take him home in less than a week!

We welcome all your prayers and positive thoughts. There is so much we need help with. We appreciate any we can get from our family and friends. This experience has been brutal and emotionally tough. This is not how anyone should start out life or motherhood.

To those who have erroneously thought and said this must be a good thing in that we get more time to get ready for the baby, we say "Suck It!" This is far, far from a vacation or in anyway a good thing. We are suffering here. The only silver lining is him. He is alive and he is doing better. Other than that, being separate from him is one of the cruelest parts of life I have had yet to bear.